Having a family
member with a mental illness can be very stressful. Whether the ill person is a
son, daughter, husband, wife, brother or sister, you will be affected by their
illness too. A person with a psychiatric disorder often needs much love, help and
support. At the same time, the problems, fears and behaviour of your ill
relative may strain your patience and your ability to cope (Canadian Mental Health
Association, 2020). The following
impacts highlighted below are some of the impacts mental illness has on
families:
Denial: When
mental illness first strikes, family members may deny the person has a
continuing illness. During the acute episode, family members will be alarmed by
what is happening to their loved one. When the episode is over and the family
member returns home, everyone will feel a tremendous sense of relief. All
involved want to put this painful time in the past and focus on the future.
Many times, particularly when the illness is a new phenomenon in the family,
everyone may believe that since the person is now doing very well, symptomatic
behavior will never return. They may also look for other answers, hoping that
the symptoms were caused by some other physical problem or external stressors
that can be removed.
Sometimes, after some family members
understood the reality of the illness, others do not. Those who do accept the
truth find that they must protect the ill person from those who do not and who
blame and denigrate the ill person for unacceptable behavior and lack of
achievement. Obviously, this leads to tension within the family, and isolation
and loss of meaningful relationships with those who are not supportive of the
ill person.
Stigma: When all members of the family have the knowledge to
deal with mental illness, the family is often reluctant to discuss the issue of
their family member with others because they do not know how people will react.
After all, myths and misconception surround mental illness. For many, even
their closest friends may not understand. For example, the sister of a young
man with schizophrenia pointed out that when a friend's brother had cancer, all
his friends were supportive and understanding; but, when she told a few, close
friends that her brother has paranoid schizophrenia, they said little and
implied that something must be very wrong in her family to cause this illness.
Family members may become reluctant to invite anyone to the home because the
ill person can be unpredictable or is unable to handle the disruption and heightened
stimulation of a number of people in the house. Furthermore, family members may
be anxious about leaving the ill person at home alone. They are concerned about
what can happen. The result is they go out separately or not at all.
The
result of the stigma in so many areas of daily life is that the family becomes
more and more withdrawn. When others do not accept the reality of mental
illness, families have little choice but to withdraw from previous
relationships, both to protect themselves and their loved one. They are
unwilling to take any more risks of being hurt and rejected.
Frustration, Helplessness and Anxiety: It is difficult for anyone to deal with strange
thinking and bizarre and unpredictable behavior. Imagine what it must be for
families of people with mental illness. It is bewildering, frightening and
exhausting. Even when the person is stabilized on medication, the apathy and
lack of motivation can be frustrating. A mother mentions how her daughter, when
asked to put her clothes in the closet, looked at the freshly pressed blouses
for over an hour before making a move to hang them up. What was a matter of
routine for this young woman in the past, now seemed to take an inordinate
amount of time. Even though the parent knew it was not so, she had to fight the
feeling that her daughter was deliberately not doing this one, small task. Family
members may have trouble understanding any difficulties the person is having,
or they may tell themselves that the person will "snap out of it" if
given time, support and encouragement.
Exhaustion and Burnout: Often, families become worn out and discouraged
dealing with a loved one who has a mental illness. Having gone down many
dead-end streets in an attempt to find assistance, they may be hesitant to try
another approach for fear of another failure. They may begin to feel unable to
cope with living with an ill person who must be constantly cared for. Hopefully
they can develop a plan to allow each family member to take responsibility for
different tasks and/or to trade off times of primary responsibility. But often,
they feel trapped and exhausted by the stress of the daily struggle, especially
if there is only one family member.
Grief: One of the greatest difficulties for families in
accepting any life altering illness of a loved one is dealing with a changed
future and expectations. The grief is particularly acute for families where a
loved one has a mental illness. This illness impairs the person's ability to
function and participate in the normal activities of daily life, and that
impairment can be ongoing. Families struggle with accepting the realities of this
illness. Families grieve for what might have been
and find it difficult to focus on the possibilities that remain for their loved
one. But, working through their grief allows them to accept what has happened
and to move on.
Need for Personal Time and to Develop Personal
Resources: If family members deteriorate due to stress and
overwork, it can result in the ill family member having no ongoing support system.
Therefore, families must be reminded that they should keep themselves
physically, mentally and spiritually healthy. Granting this can be very
difficult when coping with their ill family member. However, it can be a
tremendous relief for families to realize that their needs should not be
ignored. They should continually be reminded that it is necessary to take time
for themselves, despite the demands of assisting their family member.
